tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34561936838578208722024-03-05T05:27:44.225+00:00Beginning of my LifeA little insight into my life since I was diagnosed with retrograde amnesiaJess Sharmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11581771579978141273noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3456193683857820872.post-29112628297311138992021-01-18T13:10:00.010+00:002021-03-03T11:31:43.268+00:005 Years Strong!♥️<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hello!</span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span color="inherit" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It has been a while since I last posted a blog on here, so long it seems that even our world is in a very different place to what it was one year ago. </span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span color="inherit" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span color="inherit" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Coronavirus aside (as I am sure we are all fed up of hearing the dreaded 'C' word) I wanted to update any person who has read this as much as possible and hopefully give you a little lightness, good news and giggle along the way. </span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span color="inherit" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I have never really considered myself as a ‘blogger’. I had envisaged using this platform as a way of producing transparency into my thoughts and feelings for my friends and family to get a real insight into my mental and emotional state a little more coherently; I am better at writing my thoughts on paper than I am talking (although I think every post I have ever published my mum and sister in law have had a little cry - not the intention but still cute!). However, I have come to the realization that translucency is only truthful when in the moment otherwise we are just embracing on reflectiveness. </span><span class="x_Apple-converted-space" color="inherit" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span><span color="inherit" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The first ever blog post I wrote <span style="color: #2b00fe;"><u>(<a href="https://jessscribble.blogspot.com/2016/" target="_blank">The Day I lost my memory..</a>)</u></span> was so raw and unfinished but it was how I felt at the time, I posted the blog the same day I wrote it. I wasn't anal about any spellings or punctuation or whether it even made sense. But the reaction I received inflicted nothing but pure kindness upon me. I never thought people would take an interest in me (I mean I am literally just a girl trying to tell her story). So often strangers that have read my blog invite me into conversation and often wonder how I am, and my reply is usually that of ‘good’ or ‘fine.’ But fine is not enough, not when at your most vulnerable you shared yourself with the world. So, this post is intended for those who gave me benevolence at a difficult time, your open hearts impacted where I am today. </span><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span color="inherit" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span color="inherit" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So much has happened in (nearly) five years that I constantly have to remind myself to enjoy every moment I am blessed with, which is often easier said than done when you are in the hustle and bustle of life.. It is so strange because writing that makes me feel so normal as I know others will relate. That has been something I have always craved since my amnesia, to be 'normal'. </span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span color="inherit" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span color="inherit" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">My first experience of 'normal' happened two or three years ago. I was at work on my lunch break when I had to double take a look at a vaguely familiar man. This was the first time I had ever had to look at a stranger twice because I had that feeling, you know, the one where you know the person but can't think of their name, nor where you know them from. S<span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">ubtlety</span></span><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> is not an instant emotion to a person who has no memory... So I threw myself right into it and bombarded this poor man. My heart was thumping so hard, I was e</span><span color="inherit" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">xcited, nervous and confused. I honestly felt like perhaps this was the 'moment' my doctors kept telling me about where my entire life would fall into place and I would remember all that was lost.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span color="inherit" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I really wish this story was me beginning to tell you of how my memories came flooding back, but unfortunately it is not and you would never ever guess this ending... </span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I caught up with the man in the lift, overly excited to talk and figure out our connection. The man in question, was extremely bewildered with my overfriendly attempts to figure our past out. He assured me he did not know me, but I was so persistent in telling him my name, my families names, where I lived. I divulged a lot of information on a very small lift journey. Eventually when we reached my floor, I thought I must be mistaken and that he must just be a face I had seen around the office building. I called mum straight away to tell her and describe the man, but she could not place him in any part of our lives and so I decided that I must have been wrong. </span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was only when a few months later, my mum and dad were watching television did I realise I knew where I had seen this man before and it was on the T.V show my parents were watching, DIY SOS. The man in mystery was Nick Knowles. (So sorry if he ever see's this..)</span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would be happy to say that he is the only person I have mistakenly thought I have known on friendly terms, but he is not. I have not only made this mistake with Nick Knowles but also with Camilla Parker Bowles. A very different story that encountered a big telling off and a lot of bodyguards!!!</span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am glad I am able to look back at these memories now and laugh, at the time I was absolutely mortified.. but these small embarrassing moments have helped shape me to be the person I am today.</span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbdPa9lSNBuh_GEsOPSE3pu3HHcDT2U9srVJQoQESNqmhP6KH3pAb_7HmYOdCppiP27SqHuT4QtHQsiJJWUfPT-XovPdQYyRzeE4dg73tEXxxkmBxpPCeEEbz1ElAdDssZZNVfF_0b5GE/s1134/blog2.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1134" data-original-width="1134" height="122" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbdPa9lSNBuh_GEsOPSE3pu3HHcDT2U9srVJQoQESNqmhP6KH3pAb_7HmYOdCppiP27SqHuT4QtHQsiJJWUfPT-XovPdQYyRzeE4dg73tEXxxkmBxpPCeEEbz1ElAdDssZZNVfF_0b5GE/w122-h122/blog2.jpg" width="122" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #999999; font-family: Calibri; font-size: xx-small;"><i>We celebrated our 'should be <br />wedding day' at the beach.</i></span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Who is that person today? Well, I am just your average 24-year-old. I have the most amazing supportive, kind family to guide me and help me through life. I have a job which has given me purpose and confidence. I have experienced the pain and sadness of death but also welcomed and loved the blessing of new life. </span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My boyfriend Richard decided to upgrade me from 'girlfriend' to fiancée in 2018 with the plan of having a beautiful winter wedding on the 30th December 2020. However along with most other 2020 brides, that plan was disrupted because of the virus. </span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But what counts most, is that I am happy and content. I may not be 100% seizure free, but I no longer dread the 'what if' if this happened again. </span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Who knows, perhaps the 3rd of March will always be a meaningful date for me. However, if safe enough, maybe I can change the date from apprehension and instead have the memory of a wedding? Only time will tell ...</span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But for now, keep safe and thank you for reading. My blog, at one point in my life was my purpose and no words can describe the feeling I gained when a reader wrote, emailed or even took the time to read the words I placed on these pages... </span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><i><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #101010;">"T</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #101010;">here are no strangers here; Only friends you haven't yet met."</span> - William Butler Yeats</span></i></b></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><i><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></i></b></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVw_Jthz1NMJA97vtr1QKA0-kK06F6Czr2T7cDOk4mgV3r427blFy9vKTfxQXbBFZSAY7TopwIZBDW9iaSRdXyGldCQEmF5pSjAEynBVEgSE6t5tZcnQQ-X-Kx3FAsCaSKYGkXbe81cPM/s750/bloggy.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVw_Jthz1NMJA97vtr1QKA0-kK06F6Czr2T7cDOk4mgV3r427blFy9vKTfxQXbBFZSAY7TopwIZBDW9iaSRdXyGldCQEmF5pSjAEynBVEgSE6t5tZcnQQ-X-Kx3FAsCaSKYGkXbe81cPM/s320/bloggy.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: #cccccc; font-size: xx-small;">Richard proposed to me in Amalfi, Italy.<br />I had NO idea......!!</span></i></td></tr></tbody></table></b></div>Jess Sharmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11581771579978141273noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3456193683857820872.post-483682659009476262019-10-11T00:00:00.001+01:002021-03-03T11:31:24.595+00:00Routine<div class="x_p1" style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: center; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><b><span class="x_s1" style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">‘A body without bones would be a limp impossible mess. So a day without steady routine would be disruptive and chaotic</span><span class="x_s2" style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">’</span></b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span class="x_s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">What we sometimes misinterpret and are unwilling to accept is that routine really does play a key role within human lifestyle. Take routine away and there will be an initial gain of freedom and opportunity which over time quickly turns monotonous and unvaried. My privilege of routine was seized from me in conclusion to my retrograde amnesia and this was leading me into a very dark </span><span class="x_s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">world. </span></span></div>
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<span class="x_s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">As I have already mentioned in my previous blogs; I now accept that I most definitely struggled with PTSD which I believe occurred shortly after my hospital admission (Although this has never been diagnosed officially). At the time however I was resistant to seek any type of medical advice as I was apprehensive about having another ailment added to my already increasing medical biography. I believed that the feeling I was experiencing would be a brief indisposition. However once my mums’ compassionate leave from work came to an end and she, dad and Bish all returned to their regular day to day I started to become extremely morose. Although mum only works part time, the days she was gone I completely disengaged with my existence. I didn’t bother waking at a applicable time, eating, venturing outside or exercising and was making no attempt at creating any type of life. I was the complete personification of nihility and lost my personal spark. I was entrapped in a black haze with no means of escape. </span></div>
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<span class="x_s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Through pure honesty I want to express to you that at no point throughout my journey have I suffered with clinical depression. Of course my mental state was effected in consequence to what had happened but my mental health remained ‘stable’. In my individual case, I sincerely believe that no medication nor counselling would have been beneficial to my recovery. I myself, needed to restore my stimulation for life. </span></div>
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<span class="x_s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">With that said, on one particular day in mid-2016, I experienced a final deterioration in my mental state; after consecutive days alone diminishing in my own thoughts I reached my breaking point. I delivered words that no parents should ever hear from their child whereby I was questioning the point of my existence. I regret saying it now, but back then I could see no outcome of life getting better. I wasn’t completely unhappy m, simply just lost in life. My parents realized that I had hit my ultimate nadir to life and decided to take control. </span></div>
<div class="x_p1" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-align: center;">
<span class="x_s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">My mum introduced me to yoga. She sought out a specifically designed class where I would be benefited not only from the experience of meeting like minded individuals and become physically stronger but also to gain a non-evasive self-spiritual acceptance. I had a natural ability in yoga and quickly became appreciative of the pleasure of the endorphins you gain from exercise and so decided to explore other recreations. Without any intention I had started to build structure into my life. But with every accomplishment a misdemeanor followed. The physical activity and lack of diet held an impact over me and so I became overly fatigued. Each evening I would encounter into a extremely graphic and realistic nightmare that bared no relevance to my life, I was able to recall each and every minor detail from the dream. Still to this day we have no answers as to why I possess these but they were far worse in the beginning that they are now.</span></div>
<div class="x_p2" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="x_p1" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-align: center;">
<span class="x_s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Life was mainly ascending but I still contended with my mental state. I continuously craved to be the same as every other human I knew and needed a traditional regime to comply with normality. Therefore in my mind I needed a job. So six months after the amnesia I applied for two positions at two separate companies with the expectation I would be rejected for both. </span></div>
<div class="x_p2" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="x_p1" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-align: center;">
<span class="x_s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I would like to acknowledge that I know it was perhaps too soon to pursue a full time career but from my perspective at that particular time this was the gap in my life. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLsoOmm73tGKbwOIB8K4lOJyieqaPpUux8o93ZrJskPquODt9z6t-_61YUXlGJuSM_pnZPI4UDrPXSnOECK2OpNvV_1uUAuVzE2z_SQMepOueJHMU1bTfa5LflhmoUEHy1KGMqTX7Hvbc/s1600/blog+1.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLsoOmm73tGKbwOIB8K4lOJyieqaPpUux8o93ZrJskPquODt9z6t-_61YUXlGJuSM_pnZPI4UDrPXSnOECK2OpNvV_1uUAuVzE2z_SQMepOueJHMU1bTfa5LflhmoUEHy1KGMqTX7Hvbc/s200/blog+1.jpg" width="150" /></span></a><span class="x_s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I was accepted into full time employment in October 2016. Routine, courage and independence began to prevail in my life once again. By now my brain was able to learn new things expeditiously. My main burden lay on my interpersonal skills and delayed speech. I decided to delve into the world of non-fiction and as always pushed myself into reading the most intellectual and challenging books that contained unfamiliar jargon. This improved and expanded my vocabulary and I learnt how to articulate words and my sentences became cohesive.</span></div>
<div class="x_p2" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="x_p1" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-align: center;">
<span class="x_s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Rather than being blinded by default of capability I began to relish in my edification.</span></div>
<div class="x_p2" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="x_p1" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-align: center;">
<span class="x_s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">In many ways I am ‘ok’ with the thought that this happened to me rather than somebody who doesn’t have the stability which I obtain around me. Family and friends are the pursuers of your recovery, you cannot simply get better of your own accord, it is near impossible. Of course I still struggle with my emotions at times but this only makes me human. </span></div>
<div class="x_p1" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-align: center;">
<span class="x_s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Having routine changed my life once more, it showed me reason to want to progress and clear the dark haze that I had gained. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span class="x_s1" style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>‘Routine is a ground to stand on, a wall to retreat to; we cannot draw on our boots without bracing ourselves against it.’</b></span><span class="x_s2" style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span></i></span></div>
<div class="x_p1" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="x_s2" style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span><span class="x_s3" style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">- Harry David Thoreau</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span class="x_s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">•</span><span class="x_s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><u><span style="color: red;">NOTE:</span></u></b></span><span class="x_s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span><span class="x_s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Please note this blog post was written over a year ago. Reading this now is difficult for me as I believed I was coping when really I wasn’t. You can see the sadness in this post and the willingness to be better. But getting better takes time and doesn’t just happen overnight, however much we would like it too. This post was written in a completely different head space to the one I am in now•</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b></b></span><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br />Jess Sharmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11581771579978141273noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3456193683857820872.post-22256535788470769362019-03-03T19:18:00.001+00:002021-03-03T11:31:08.269+00:00An Honest Account<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="border: 1pt none; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">Today, 3rd March 2019 is just
an ordinary day for many people. But for me this has been a distinguishable
date of anticipation over the last couple of years. So much so I have made a
point of over indulging in pleasurable activities on this particular weekend.
This time last year, I was on the slopes tackling my first ever (after memory
loss) ski lesson - in the words of my dad ‘it was like a duck taking to water’.
This time two years ago, I was filled with anxiety prepping for a masquerade
charity ball (blog to follow!) I had organised in order to raise funds for The
Brain & Spine foundation. And this time three years ago, well this was the
inevitable. The day I stopped living...</span></div>
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<span style="border: 1pt none; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">Let’s rewind back to that day three years ago so I can somewhat
explain where this story began. For me this is a difficult blog to post, not
only due to the emotional turmoil it causes but also because I try my best to
be honest with anybody reading this. I must admit I have self-diagnosed myself
with PTSD meaning my memory recall may not be veracious. And I can only
apologise for this. But as you read this recollection of events, I want you not
to question everything I am saying but to question what you would have said,
dealt and felt, if you were in my position...</span></div>
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<span style="border: 1pt none; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">It is funny isn’t it, how scientist believes there is only a three-step
process to the memory. Yet one traumatic event can do so much unexplainable
damage.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWpQwVezQ38u4sf-Tk9BHDWOMWno4e-LBDrEBBZqgzBSa0JgrJ-FqMkuMK_CLsmLyJAYc_Yc8-udEbiAJ2VxtWgKGjA4O2l8tZFRaIgOsI-FpdOf8xQdxsW_xbIRS_qXkz73LDxysQJZU/s1600/blog1.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="624" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWpQwVezQ38u4sf-Tk9BHDWOMWno4e-LBDrEBBZqgzBSa0JgrJ-FqMkuMK_CLsmLyJAYc_Yc8-udEbiAJ2VxtWgKGjA4O2l8tZFRaIgOsI-FpdOf8xQdxsW_xbIRS_qXkz73LDxysQJZU/s400/blog1.png" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="border: 1pt none; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;"><b><u>The 3rd March 2016:</u></b></span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="border: 1pt none; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">An average day, combined with the typical commute into London
Holborn from Billericay, Essex. Bish was due to have the day off work, as he
needed a recovery day from the ski trip he had just returned from. There was
nothing ominous about that Thursday. But fate apparently lay on my side that
day and Bish was required in the office. At 7.18 we boarded our first train
into London Liverpool Street; other than the normal grouchiness of the early
morning, everything appeared to be conventional. At 8.05 we departed on the
central line toward Holborn. Somewhere during the 7-minute journey, one (or
more) abnormal electrical signals occurred in the temporal or frontal lobe of
my brain. Unaware and unsure of the signs and symptoms Bish held me up on the
packed out rush of the tube. Still to this day we have no answer as to why this
occurred or if it was a generalised or focal seizure.</span></div>
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<span style="border: 1pt none; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">Bish got me to our office and appropriately phoned through to
my parents. At this time we were oblivious to the gravity of the situation. </span></div>
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<span style="border: 1pt none; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">Now, this is where I cannot lie to you, I am/have dissociated to
the hours that follow. I know from evidential fact that my mum and dad arrived
mid morning and immediately took control of the situation as they realised the
severity of the seizure aftermath. They directed a cab straight to Queen’s
Square hospital (at the time I was an outpatient) to only be sent away as their
policy is ‘appointment only.’ On the cab journey I remember looking out the
window, unbeknown to me I was looking directly at my reflection, this had no
association to me nor did it bring me any comfort. I coward away from the world
and away from my parents. The people that so wanted to help and protect me yet
I was so fearful of them. I remember no dialog in the cab other than my mum’
reassuring words and attempts at showing me images of us together. I remember
showing apathetic behaviour. I was truly lost. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="border: 1pt none; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;"><b><u>The Hospital Part One: 3rd March 2016</u></b></span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="border: 1pt none; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">After the clear rejection from Queens Square, my mum took the decision
to take me to St Thomas’s (I was one a paediatric outpatient here) the
following questions by a neurologist are all that I recollect:</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="border: 1pt none; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">What is the date? I am unable to give an answer.</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="border: 1pt none; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">What is the day? I am unable to give an answer.</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="border: 1pt none; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">Who runs our country? I am unable to give an answer.</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="border: 1pt none; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">What year was World War 2? I am unable to give an answer.</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="border: 1pt none; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">Where are you? St Thomas’s. (My mum directed that I had already
been advised where I was multiple times) At least my short-term memory was
still intact!</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="border: 1pt none; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">Because there was no obvious sign of injury and there was no
swelling nor impact to the brain, I was sent home the exact same day with the
reliable statement that this is not unusual after a seizure and a sleep should
relax the brain and repair and reverse any damage done. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="border: 1pt none; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;"><b><u>The Hospital Part 2: 8th March - 13th March 2016</u></b></span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgk0Ton10HsP765FnS7DPOAzbMpLsHpPhqz3hpTxwSHWPRdMDA2ZCOufZCSMJqtcqxZfs6mY7_71tdJRiAGBqeGUwpHf5gTfxkEWHlrQi4C8KQy2AHZ5JMMDpdmKLc8gao53ZGI8dKlww/s1600/blog.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="360" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgk0Ton10HsP765FnS7DPOAzbMpLsHpPhqz3hpTxwSHWPRdMDA2ZCOufZCSMJqtcqxZfs6mY7_71tdJRiAGBqeGUwpHf5gTfxkEWHlrQi4C8KQy2AHZ5JMMDpdmKLc8gao53ZGI8dKlww/s200/blog.jpg" width="150" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: #999999; font-family: Calibri; font-size: xx-small;">Must admit the EEG isn't the<br />most flattering.</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8fW9eZFmu2nOThLNwP7fEgpI16B8zDeJynu7ZDg_zuHVVMc6LpHsR4PrEQ1qgd9Rw4ALklmEsWvPiJkswrx43k7dZtKj2nhxZemTBpvSNSsxPxbFlDSGvm5GXdQ_wrTjGoiBNMs0V6ZE/s1600/thumb_IMG_6124_1024.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="768" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8fW9eZFmu2nOThLNwP7fEgpI16B8zDeJynu7ZDg_zuHVVMc6LpHsR4PrEQ1qgd9Rw4ALklmEsWvPiJkswrx43k7dZtKj2nhxZemTBpvSNSsxPxbFlDSGvm5GXdQ_wrTjGoiBNMs0V6ZE/s200/thumb_IMG_6124_1024.jpg" width="150" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: #999999; font-size: xx-small;"><i>No veins left in my arm so they revert</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #999999; font-size: xx-small;"><i>to much more uncomfy places.</i></span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="border: 1pt none; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">Again dissociation plays a key role from the 4th-7th March 2016.
These days just seem to blur into one. Bish was with me on the Friday whilst my
parents grafted hard to get an immediate appointment with my neurologist to
seek urgent care. Their efforts came through as after a screaming match with an
epilepsy nurse (whom didn’t recognise the extremity of my situation) on Tuesday
8th March (5 days after the incident) I was admitted with exigency to Queen’s
Square hospital neurology ward and attached to 20+ small electrodes and one
camera monitor for the duration of six days. Whilst here, I underwent
psychiatric and psychological evaluations that came through with results of
normal practise. </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="border: 1pt none; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">Understandably a doctor’s work is based on investigation and
evidence rather than circumstantial. And because no hard evidence occurred
within the time on the ward, I was sent away with a follow up appointment of
four months with the promise that the memory would return in this duration. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="border: 1pt none; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="border: 1pt none; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;"><b><u>The weeks to follow:</u></b></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="border: 1pt none; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">With very little contact with my neurologist and withdrawal
symptoms from my anti-convulsion meds I began to question everything. Was I
crazy? Why couldn’t I remember? What should I do now? How am I meant to cope?</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="border: 1pt none; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">Undoubtedly I was to fall into a cycle of minor depression. A life
I had once lived had now been deleted, as quickly as we erase a message or
image from our phones. </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="border: 1pt none; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">My job informed my parents they did not want me back, my family
and friends struggled to cope with dealing with the diagnosis, (and rightly so)
and my health was deteriorating both mental state and seizure wise. (Blog post
to follow how I ripped out of the self-pity cycle) </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="border: 1pt none; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">What I failed to grasp the context of was that the clock continues
to tick even when we take the batteries out.</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="border: 1pt none; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="border: 1pt none; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">The weeks/months/year went by and I was no closer to getting any
answers. I cannot fault our NHS system, however I do believe they let me down
immensely. Along with a lot of other people. However with these weaknesses and
rejections I wouldn’t have come to realise my own strength. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="border: 1pt none; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="border: 1pt none; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">I would be interested to know how others would have dealt in this
situation. I have held back on details of how utterly scared, demonised,
worried, angry and anxious I was because I feel this cannot be portrayed
correctly across my writing. The experience was not one that can be expressed
through communication, only through emotion and feeling. I hope that as you
read this you can try to understand. </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="border: 1pt none; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="border: 1pt none; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;"><b><u>Present day: 3rd March 2019</u></b></span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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</span><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: center; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="border: 1pt none; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.5pt; padding: 0cm;">I now choose not to let that day define me. It happened and I
recognise that, but I cannot change past events nor can I future. I can just
learn from them. I hope this is conveyed in my character. Like you, I have
decided that the 3rd of March is just like any other day for me now; neither
significance nor anniversary needs to be dwelled on.</span></div>
Jess Sharmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11581771579978141273noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3456193683857820872.post-17697143238448531682019-02-08T17:27:00.001+00:002021-03-03T11:30:43.736+00:00A Viral Experience<div style="text-align: center;">
<span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.6667px;">Social media has become a routine for many of us to visit regularly throughout the day. It enables us to express our opinions, join new communities, interconnect with people from all across the world and much more. The initial platform for social media was to interact with friends online. Now many businesses delegate huge spends into it and use it as a tool to promote themselves or products. Never did I realise the huge impact social media beholds over us, until the story about Bish (Richard) and I went viral. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;"></span><br />
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;">The 8th February 2017 was the date my story became common knowledge. Overnight we went from the average person to suddenly the entire world knowing a fabricated part of our lives. I use the word fabricated loosely as although some of what was placed in the paper was true, the main focus was constructed upon a love story around Bish and I, when really what went on was so much more than what could be elucidated. Furthermore I am not oblivious to the fact now that if this was not applied on the basis of a love genre with a somewhat happy ending, then would there have been such a mass enthusiasm around the piece? The views, shares, likes, comments and impacts would not have been the same. </span><br />
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<span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;"></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;">
</span><span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;"></span>
<br />
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;">A lady who read my blog persuaded me to openly discuss my story in order for it to be published in the paper. Initially I had my reservations as I was embarrassed about what had happened but after discussion I agreed as I believed this could open doors for me to seek a second medical professionals opinion or meet other people who have faced the same or similar problems. What I had not anticipated was the colossal response not only I, but my family and friends received from all over the world.</span><br />
</span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQVCLhr8Bo9T6mGN5_rcee4tKw6NcCp_HTmKI51xeKJkZYC7CT0OndCpkvIeR19Fle32wBtDMnO4DpldUWmTyVyu9QzsA-pCI7qMTuam_-4UTDYC7FNmBcGZyUJwyUXkrOcJHQeibq4vk/s1600/blog+pic+1.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" data-original-height="290" data-original-width="696" height="83" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQVCLhr8Bo9T6mGN5_rcee4tKw6NcCp_HTmKI51xeKJkZYC7CT0OndCpkvIeR19Fle32wBtDMnO4DpldUWmTyVyu9QzsA-pCI7qMTuam_-4UTDYC7FNmBcGZyUJwyUXkrOcJHQeibq4vk/s200/blog+pic+1.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: #999999; font-family: Calibri; font-size: xx-small;"><b>I was lucky enough to speak on<br />an Australian radio!</b></span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAosfCyVYY7htXSp5qThMGrXBDA7uWNlsuR_V6atPJTJgiHXJ5oCuTx1otCoqTT8q8T1gE9k7YT24PJ7WAcOFZjhr9mfOCuA58idN6nT2zKbzTDeob6YPERuCihWvVsyu98Eo46DQVxG8/s1600/blog+pic.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="539" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAosfCyVYY7htXSp5qThMGrXBDA7uWNlsuR_V6atPJTJgiHXJ5oCuTx1otCoqTT8q8T1gE9k7YT24PJ7WAcOFZjhr9mfOCuA58idN6nT2zKbzTDeob6YPERuCihWvVsyu98Eo46DQVxG8/s200/blog+pic.jpg" width="111" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: #999999; font-size: xx-small;"><b>My bestie tweeted her<br />fave footballer &<br />got a response, win win for all!</b></span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs5FbGNDkWn2IxHMZrg2L9Y5TPz8n9qfJBV_lrr0oHGg0-mechCV4Xeu_7SeZWZeDmKbAP7V7i1l3JTlB_SmoMLKg8Ij-KJqk8oQPVrUCZen2sCX4VjwrfXhvVSYrZhUHP3VSnltsxqOQ/s1600/blog+pic+4.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="747" data-original-width="750" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs5FbGNDkWn2IxHMZrg2L9Y5TPz8n9qfJBV_lrr0oHGg0-mechCV4Xeu_7SeZWZeDmKbAP7V7i1l3JTlB_SmoMLKg8Ij-KJqk8oQPVrUCZen2sCX4VjwrfXhvVSYrZhUHP3VSnltsxqOQ/s200/blog+pic+4.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: #999999; font-size: xx-small;">Still amazed that people took<br />the time to share and read. </span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span><br />
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.6667px;">Let’s begin with the ‘people from my past.’ A lot of people whom my parents naturally assumed would be there for me actually could not handle the severity of what had happened. I lay no blame on these individuals as I have no knowledge of how I would have been if it occurred to one of them. </span></div>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;">
</span><span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;"></span>
<br />
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.6667px;">When the story arose I was inundated with messages, kind words and expressions of encouragement from people who knew me prior to diagnosis. Lots of whom had premeditated their words before the story was published but were too self conscious to press send as they were unsure of my response. I do believe that many of their words were bona fide and while extremely thankful for their support, still a year later I needed something more. I still had a longing to reclaim my old memories and wanted them to provide me with a day by day analysis of what I once was like in the hope that this could be my trigger. I was yet to accept my reality. </span></div>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;">
</span><span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;"></span>
<br />
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.6667px;">The messages from strangers also engulfed me. Never once have I received any hostility, only messages of positivity and guidance. I was also surprised to encounter the response from a handful of people who had either been through or known someone with a akin situation. People who knew what I was going through and could offer substantial advice. This gave me hope. Hope that my life would eventually be ordinary. These strangers had no obligation to contact me but I am eternally appreciative that they did. I’d like to think one day I could reciprocate this goodwill. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;">
</span><span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;"></span>
<br />
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;">It is uplifting to know that someone took the time out of their day to offer me direction all from seeing a article or Facebook/instagram/Daily Mail post. These ‘strangers’ have empowered me to speak freely to anybody in need of aid.</span><br />
<span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;"><br /></span>
<span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;">Having the story go viral not only gave myself but also Bish and my family a different type of attention. Although we are advocates of 'do not believe everything you read' mostly what is reported and described as rumours usually stems from the basis of fact. Each new story that was issued had it's own synopsis and structure but all consisted of three true fasts; I have retrograde amnesia, I was erecting a new life and that I had developed once again an intense and true love for Bish and my family. As long as these facts were entrenched, any mishaps could be overlooked.</span><br />
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</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSXe-TqgE4SzrnoHUmc16coIxaBs7wD01y2BF8fYXt7w5Ji5HoLDieEwzN8nTvFS8f2WeloHYYNe9q-CQjn0rmZj2Z9CjYAy4ZdNCrTqBmQG97GfK4zpDmbJIh7IjxKNgfkTrsNtLxABs/s1600/blog+pic+.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" data-original-height="558" data-original-width="818" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSXe-TqgE4SzrnoHUmc16coIxaBs7wD01y2BF8fYXt7w5Ji5HoLDieEwzN8nTvFS8f2WeloHYYNe9q-CQjn0rmZj2Z9CjYAy4ZdNCrTqBmQG97GfK4zpDmbJIh7IjxKNgfkTrsNtLxABs/s200/blog+pic+.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><b><span style="color: #999999; font-family: Calibri; font-size: xx-small;">Article in 'Reveal' magazine</span></b></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC2AjDxbGMBOtVM3QTZ_oT-FCCytF7FsCSVjZ1Px2dnjTMg85uRo6BJxTzSs_veHOkNE_hiAtmCcZ1jdq0-OMGF5IVPUD3ebBS0xLlpHPzswsPtqRMB3VYJ3pYIjgcpkYlzi9767Oalvc/s1600/blog+pic+5.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="346" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC2AjDxbGMBOtVM3QTZ_oT-FCCytF7FsCSVjZ1Px2dnjTMg85uRo6BJxTzSs_veHOkNE_hiAtmCcZ1jdq0-OMGF5IVPUD3ebBS0xLlpHPzswsPtqRMB3VYJ3pYIjgcpkYlzi9767Oalvc/s200/blog+pic+5.jpg" width="143" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><b><span style="color: #999999; font-family: Calibri; font-size: xx-small;">My lovely grandad reading<br />the original publication x</span></b></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.6667px;">The story in the paper granted me acceptance. Acceptance of myself and what had happened, to enable me to progress through to the next chapter of my life. It allowed an explanation; rather than cautiously only telling minimal people close to me, many I encountered had heard about my circumstances. I therefore had no need to be afraid anymore. Going viral gave me the opportunity of spreading awareness that this can in fact happen in reality. </span></div>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;">
</span><span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;"></span>
<br />
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.6667px;">Facebook, Google, Instagram and Twitter authorised my next decision by informing the rest of the world of my history. For me, social media opened up a lot of new ventures. Of course it has its faults but perfection will never be obtained. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;">Now, when I look back, I was worried of what Bish and my family would make of the initial publication, I am glad it was constructed as it was. For us, this only cemented our healing process. We were no longer bonded in secrecy but could express what had happened and our perception to any and everyone that asked. A problem shared is a problem halved after all.</span><br />
<span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;">It amazes me every day how lucky I was to gain the reaction from the story that I did. For when I feel blue I am able to review old messages or posts that help reinforce my worthiness.</span><br />
<span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;"><br /></span>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip8eK-eonrvJMq5qISNnKH5YJn6ZNyDcxECBZV1JWtsCA-WFjG1gpe0Z5Y45ncNk2pJEdYbtua9kIc2LHfHg17atOB8s8AdMbX7NJOEpksSPxrIYdL5gJWVN4mJb9n5f23IdrZnaZ8EZU/s1600/blog+pic+7.png" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" data-original-height="578" data-original-width="819" height="140" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip8eK-eonrvJMq5qISNnKH5YJn6ZNyDcxECBZV1JWtsCA-WFjG1gpe0Z5Y45ncNk2pJEdYbtua9kIc2LHfHg17atOB8s8AdMbX7NJOEpksSPxrIYdL5gJWVN4mJb9n5f23IdrZnaZ8EZU/s200/blog+pic+7.png" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: #999999; font-family: Calibri; font-size: xx-small;">Amazed at the response x</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNVaIXWkfa4YtpHDZCZamKP3Jmmo_601lvtKB6EBLt-jfnFNsP0gZuR-b32L2DYMVHa9gOfVDbLLJlkIyiu1Afns45PDC9xTs_4CCE7qdcNfdp3WIuQ7uMCWK7G2WwR9Qpx8aSYNGXcBk/s1600/bloggeh.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="368" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNVaIXWkfa4YtpHDZCZamKP3Jmmo_601lvtKB6EBLt-jfnFNsP0gZuR-b32L2DYMVHa9gOfVDbLLJlkIyiu1Afns45PDC9xTs_4CCE7qdcNfdp3WIuQ7uMCWK7G2WwR9Qpx8aSYNGXcBk/s200/bloggeh.jpg" width="153" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #999999; font-family: Calibri; font-size: xx-small;"><i>We even got made into a meme!<br />if you can't laugh you would cry</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;">To the lady that felt I should share what happened with the world, thank you for opening the door to social media and enabling me </span><br />
<span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;">to meet such fascinating people.</span><br />
<span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;"><br /></span>
<span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;">X</span></span></div>
<span face=""segoe ui" , "segoe ui web (west european)" , "segoe ui" , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "roboto" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #212121; font-size: 14.6667px;">
</span>Jess Sharmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11581771579978141273noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3456193683857820872.post-69681090354626542942019-01-20T14:34:00.002+00:002021-03-03T11:30:26.615+00:00What is recovery and how do you recover?<div style="background-color: white; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Although it has nearly been three years since my initial hospital admission for retrograde amnesia, I feel that I am still trapped in the world of seizures and memory issues. I am still recovering to this day and I am not afraid or ashamed to admit that. But what is recovery? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: bold; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Oxford English Dictionary explains it as ‘A normal State of Health, Mind or strength</span>’ </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">On the outside, I probably look ‘normal’ or fit society’s expected perception. When you first speak to me, although initially a little slow and unable to form a coherent sentence (and sometime struggling with lethologica), after a while it fades and is accepted as standard. So does this imply that I have recovered?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiirrPynBWj3MgscvuLUQsfmLDbGUmC16EYvb0eXwB_CrYX7eHKL6D4h-q01Q1mCtIicUIY0bjbLmiwnwIQj8VdaexHw4ky47QTUCbjb4CL7vnAOu0WWZQ3QOSfDet3QiFnz6Bib5vmfCk/s1600/road-to-recovery-sign-1024x791.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" data-original-height="791" data-original-width="1024" height="154" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiirrPynBWj3MgscvuLUQsfmLDbGUmC16EYvb0eXwB_CrYX7eHKL6D4h-q01Q1mCtIicUIY0bjbLmiwnwIQj8VdaexHw4ky47QTUCbjb4CL7vnAOu0WWZQ3QOSfDet3QiFnz6Bib5vmfCk/s200/road-to-recovery-sign-1024x791.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Today, as I am writing this I feel as though I am in a good place. I am not entirely sure how to define the ‘good’ but I am by far miles better than I was this time three years ago. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl_KEeZyevAZ7IZyoQYGQaIpJdA5XgdBCRq6PmxPbKO8OElwhWze54rDeGDpCuLAciK7DMdLI_3R0EycmFj8rca5u4CoWiaA-Sm5WCZwKT3ajbA3kx12BTgxEC2Clcb8C2slqxEZFpHgw/s1600/guys.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl_KEeZyevAZ7IZyoQYGQaIpJdA5XgdBCRq6PmxPbKO8OElwhWze54rDeGDpCuLAciK7DMdLI_3R0EycmFj8rca5u4CoWiaA-Sm5WCZwKT3ajbA3kx12BTgxEC2Clcb8C2slqxEZFpHgw/s200/guys.jpg" width="150" /></span></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfBaSMLmYLfqA1XELtVC0_ZXyWGPlHlgo9ZOLyIeND5ugqA18dH-4Sg0861lKLKqhhvuOON9Q-eLCv8_IgBrB3IE7IqxIon28M-rxcgtVSEFwuEV3-29hG8hoA53NUH9mxxMgt2mw6P9w/s1600/guys1.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="719" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfBaSMLmYLfqA1XELtVC0_ZXyWGPlHlgo9ZOLyIeND5ugqA18dH-4Sg0861lKLKqhhvuOON9Q-eLCv8_IgBrB3IE7IqxIon28M-rxcgtVSEFwuEV3-29hG8hoA53NUH9mxxMgt2mw6P9w/s200/guys1.jpg" width="149" /></span></a><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">There would have been no ‘road to recovery’ for me if this world had not blessed us with two little angels in the form of my niece and nephew. The thing with children is, no matter what you’ve been through or how black and grey your world is, they will always help you find colour in a way that an adult can’t. They have the ability to love you for you without any judgements. They expect nothing from you other than your time and your devotion. Albie was just 2 on our reintroduction and Rubie a mere baby of 3 months. From the moment I laid my eyes on them and Albie grabbed my hand and said ‘Jessie play’ I had my first real experience of love. Cuddling Rubie broke my guard and gave me a first drop of self worth. Without even knowing they were the beginning of making me, me. They gave me my imagination back. Through the past three years we have mirrored each other’s developments (although theirs was the natural next step in their lives, mine was a reintroduced one!). I can only thank them with showing how much I love and care for them. They will never know how much they helped to save me but I hope one day they can read this and reflect on how pure and open their hearts are.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">They were just two of the many people who helped me overcome most of my initial hurdles to get me to where I am today. (More blog posts to come!) But they, Albie and Rubie gave me something I cannot explain.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">So in answer to my question of have I fully recovered? </span></div>
</div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I feel that when I am in my immediate families presence, that is me with a ‘fully recovered personality.’ This is when I truly perfect the Oxford English Dictionary description. But do I really care about a definition? No. Not really. Because recovered is just a word that has different connotations for each and every person. For me it means a seizure free life and being able to wake up each day as Jess surrounded by my family and peace. I have one out of two of these but I am way over the half way mark. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-family: Calibri; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I am grateful to see the world in colour each and every day. </span></div>
</div>
</div>
Jess Sharmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11581771579978141273noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3456193683857820872.post-53846927498080289982018-01-09T16:56:00.001+00:002021-03-03T11:30:02.587+00:00What is it like to lose your memory?<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">People often ask ‘What is it
like to lose your memory?’ In which I used to find hard the words to describe.
But what do they really mean by ‘your memory?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">Memory: </span></u><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;">The dictionary definition is – the faculty by
which the mind stores and remembers<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">It’s coming up to two years
since my life went into turmoil. Questions that both you and I ask still have
no answers and I often wish I had a sign over my forehead or scar across my
face to remind people that I am still in recovery. I am that girl that suffers with
retrograde amnesia and the hide and seek illness that is epilepsy.</span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPtVToflPcYlpESSd5MghPN8ijaIjYsA99pEbdYm2G6ouiL0kmKxHty67oFNpHoVtp-0Mwh9HRSyfHxjcsT6vz6fO1g6P2BPqjk1C2f2tA27snf2uLju2oFVynJV3XokeTQ1zPuP4q_A4/s1600/emotions.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="680" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPtVToflPcYlpESSd5MghPN8ijaIjYsA99pEbdYm2G6ouiL0kmKxHty67oFNpHoVtp-0Mwh9HRSyfHxjcsT6vz6fO1g6P2BPqjk1C2f2tA27snf2uLju2oFVynJV3XokeTQ1zPuP4q_A4/s200/emotions.jpg" width="150" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">People often refer to my life
as ’50 first dates’ (unfortunately mum doesn’t let me watch this – to close to
home!), and in some ways this is true, my last two years has seen me invent a
life on the basis of first timings rather than experiences and memorable
moments however this is difficult when you have never felt or practiced
negative emotions. But from these I have come to understand that from negativities
you really are grateful and appreciative of positive moments and this therefore
creates a memory. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">‘I have no advice to give and no lessons or stories to tell you to
follow. I just wanted to Commend you on your bravery… One step, One Day at a
time. Don’t let anyone Rush you through Life. You Set the Pace. You Don’t owe
Anyone Anything. Bad Days are inevitable, But remember it is YOUR JOURNEY’</span></i></b><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> – Dawn (USA)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZKENUINS3e9-wOCabKeihAtDt8auhWFDBbvt8b90n3rabXrP-aFFLQW04t8K8RUSbVnK8GfjWtkQQM0647RyzrGnvLQ5bS141ez6vAgLU9YIi90-lH9UVbsaFbCBdHtomUMEnqf8LFBw/s1600/mdbj.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="1041" height="122" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZKENUINS3e9-wOCabKeihAtDt8auhWFDBbvt8b90n3rabXrP-aFFLQW04t8K8RUSbVnK8GfjWtkQQM0647RyzrGnvLQ5bS141ez6vAgLU9YIi90-lH9UVbsaFbCBdHtomUMEnqf8LFBw/s200/mdbj.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ-Ml5GqPYFrMbqRPSTEWYxsk2F2T88C_X8ew-4-jTKUYdlH1-itmmrY4IBdycgv-WyKJyvoOxvauAF74RRgNUK4q2IJ64j6a-qL_5CAhgOxgQg3mXAfGxTYGAIdSkHRAa1sRi0GfU17k/s1600/.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ-Ml5GqPYFrMbqRPSTEWYxsk2F2T88C_X8ew-4-jTKUYdlH1-itmmrY4IBdycgv-WyKJyvoOxvauAF74RRgNUK4q2IJ64j6a-qL_5CAhgOxgQg3mXAfGxTYGAIdSkHRAa1sRi0GfU17k/s200/.jpg" width="200" /></span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"></span><br />
</span><div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">A loving and caring family,
boyfriend and friends, a new job and a new found confidence have enabled me to
become the person I am today, the happy girl who does see light at the end of
the tunnel. I have finally accepted this life and those around me have also
accepted it. I have built memories with them that I would not dream of swapping
or regaining for the old ones inside me. A life without family and friends is no life at all and I am extremely luck to share mine with those around me. </span></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
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</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">I have learnt what to tell
those who ask me what it is like to ‘loose your memory.’ I say, simply imagine
being in a play on stage in front of hundreds of people you do not know, and
you are the main character. From the wings your director is ushering you to
speak. It is your que, your time to shine, but you do not know your lines, you
don’t even know the character you are supposed to be playing or how he/she
should react. Inevitably in this situation, you would run of stage. But this is
me or rather how I felt, and instead of running into the wing, I look to the
audience and there they are, my parents, brothers, boyfriend, niece, nephew and
sister in law.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They stand and applaud me
and from this, I am able to carry on….</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><br /></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<o:p></o:p>Jess Sharmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11581771579978141273noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3456193683857820872.post-28993529408536031782016-10-20T15:42:00.002+01:002021-03-03T11:29:44.280+00:00The day I lost my memory.... <div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s amazing how
anyone can adjust to a life long illness. I, back in 2010 was diagnosed with frontal
lobe epilepsy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><u>Epilepsy:</u> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i><b>For those of you that don’t know, it is a<span style="color: #1a1a1a;">
neurological disorder marked by sudden recurrent episodes of sensory
disturbance, loss of consciousness, or convulsions, associated with abnormal
electrical activity in the brain.</span></b></i></span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: Calibri;">After
fighting a loosing battle with many medications I finally settled on two that
gave me the least side effects in 2015, Levetiracetam and Lamotrigine.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: Calibri;">At
the beginning of this year, I had a massive seizure…typical! Start the year as
you mean to go on… On the 3<sup>rd</sup> March 2016, my life, my families’ life
and my boyfriend’s life were to turn upside down. I was on my way to work that
morning and somewhere along that tube journey my memory and
life disappeared… <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span lang="EN-US"><u>Retrograde
amnesia:</u> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><b>is a loss of
memory-access to events that occurred, or information that was learned, before
an injury or the onset of a disease. It tends to negatively affect <span color="windowtext" style="text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">episodic</span>, <span color="windowtext" style="text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">autobiographical</span>,
and <span color="windowtext" style="text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">declarative
memory</span> while usually keeping <span color="windowtext" style="text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">procedural memory</span> intact
with no difficulty for learning new knowledge</b>.</span></i></span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri;"><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">The months to
follow where to be the worst. After spending a week in hospital undergoing
tests, and being diagnosed with retrograde amnesia I finally had to face the
real world. Not knowing where I lived, who I was, who my family and friends are.
I was trapped in a life I didn’t know anything about. I felt so alone, so
scared and so sad. Guilty for not knowing the people that wanted to help me the
most. I couldn’t come to terms with why this had happened to me, I didn’t want
to accept it. I wouldn't let my mum or dad hug me because in my mind they were
strangers. Life had chewed me up and spat me back out again…</span><span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB8TqYTxE_D0reN2ALKVcTYv-RLymBMk35bUBymMbnxK96v6xCf2d3qNSWxleSR91S7WBcwBXmhBCPbQ_PQe9fAbvmJTMZe_fWuEL6daoyhHBkkw3d949ftLqQ_EJwrAD_xMUcL5b93n4/s1600/hosp.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB8TqYTxE_D0reN2ALKVcTYv-RLymBMk35bUBymMbnxK96v6xCf2d3qNSWxleSR91S7WBcwBXmhBCPbQ_PQe9fAbvmJTMZe_fWuEL6daoyhHBkkw3d949ftLqQ_EJwrAD_xMUcL5b93n4/s200/hosp.jpg" width="111" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span lang="EN-US">How are you meant
to deal with knowing nothing? Not knowing yourself, who your friends are, where you live, your likes and dislikes... Dealing with impaired speech, a stammer and unable to differentiate and recognise a lot of things. My emotions and character had vanished, I didn't even know where my toilet was in my own house! I had to re-learn and rebuild my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The toughest days were meeting loved ones.
The looks on their faces when they realise you didn’t know anything about them
or special times that you have shared. They are the faces that will scar me
forever. </span><br />
<span lang="EN-US">Going back out into the world and recreating a life at the age of 20
seemed impossible. But day by day with the support of my mum and dad everything
gets easier. The first day I truly came to accept what had happened to me was when I
felt a sudden impulse to hug my mum for no reason, finally breaking down a barrier. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri;"><b>‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">With everything that is going on for you I
just want to say stay strong, a person without adversity or challenges are boring
and mediocre. Great people are born from great challenges.</i>’</b> – Sam Davis <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWHpSnKoIscKFC3aLo40F0GBcmNaEUhHXqE9HUB4eugPEwS0O6F7E_zY48IRWY1zXkO36eNqRVykawMD16g3WN5fW0XgN6V2Yck3J68nQ_6hBKkvwknVz5LLaK9LHlllzOuYUHn3vDQxY/s1600/fam.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWHpSnKoIscKFC3aLo40F0GBcmNaEUhHXqE9HUB4eugPEwS0O6F7E_zY48IRWY1zXkO36eNqRVykawMD16g3WN5fW0XgN6V2Yck3J68nQ_6hBKkvwknVz5LLaK9LHlllzOuYUHn3vDQxY/s200/fam.jpg" width="126" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span></div>
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</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil1VcZeaTeYWfAkl0ACNVeSWB4gOV0DlvbiyUqz3_3UV9h8zjzKyPsUvYcFCt28qjQnR9gxmH7H4HWt3BgwhWIy8QcUPU2zsJbzs0spsQFLQ__7yCM74cmnrImFbYmH-RdOrAExGayf6Q/s1600/mummo.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil1VcZeaTeYWfAkl0ACNVeSWB4gOV0DlvbiyUqz3_3UV9h8zjzKyPsUvYcFCt28qjQnR9gxmH7H4HWt3BgwhWIy8QcUPU2zsJbzs0spsQFLQ__7yCM74cmnrImFbYmH-RdOrAExGayf6Q/s200/mummo.jpg" width="111" /></span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br />
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Seven months on and
obviously every day is still a scary one for me and I am constantly reminded of
that awful day, whether it be looking back at old photographs or text messages or
the accidental slip up of a friend or family member saying ‘remember when…’ <span>But my outlook on
life and people has changed. Having gone through possibly the hardest thing ever and coming out the other side has made me cherish every moment of life. </span><br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Calibri;">For those who have been there
for me I cannot thank you enough, you have made the darkest of days a lot lighter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRLTBWud0X3olNVO5o6eRKSyW0ngoIKwL4HIwRoOqWvp8xgRz5pYtXVBsLhEVoukbdpy_rkrN2ay9VgJrTvbJGyVWCB7tN5di2WzCoue4jCuMOEpVXleCotYSrnDbayZB463eD17Y4IDU/s1600/mumjeda.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRLTBWud0X3olNVO5o6eRKSyW0ngoIKwL4HIwRoOqWvp8xgRz5pYtXVBsLhEVoukbdpy_rkrN2ay9VgJrTvbJGyVWCB7tN5di2WzCoue4jCuMOEpVXleCotYSrnDbayZB463eD17Y4IDU/s320/mumjeda.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Mum, dad and I on our first holiday together since my memory loss. X</span></td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is the
continuous support and positive energy from my friends and family who have
been able to stick around that keep me going. Every day to me is a blessing and
life can only go up from now. x</span><span style="font-family: arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Jess Sharmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11581771579978141273noreply@blogger.com6